Tag Archives: random thoughts

You get to Paint All the time, right?

It’s one of the biggest misconceptions about artists. Unfortunately, unless you have some type of career manager or assistant, artists do NOT get to paint/create all the time. Unless of course, you aren’t concerned with actually selling your work. Being a full time artist, this is a pretty important part of the career.

Hanging my show at the Sierra Club office

Hanging my show at the Sierra Club office

This has been one of those weeks. I always struggle during these weeks to know what to blog about. There is no time lapse video of a painting in progress or progress photos to share.

This week I’m working. Business stuff, ie paying bills, making painting labels and hanging art for a show, sending lists of pieces for consignment forms, twisting wire on hanging hooks so my records will hang right, creating and sending out promotional emails and facebook events and posts.

Hanging my show at the Sierra Club office

Hanging my show at the Sierra Club office

Editing some older writing for the “Paula Beck Prints” art book I’m working on. I didn’t realize how negative my outlook was until I reread my blog posts from 12 years ago! Time to change the story up a bit so I am accepting my responsibility for my life. I was such a victim in the past! No more.

I will admit, we took our dogs for an afternoon hike yesterday. We have been promising them a hike for at least a month! It was a beautiful, cool day in the San Pedro Wilderness, west of the Jemez. We did happen to stop by a tree with a bee hive in it, and I got stung 3 times! Boy do those stings itch today!

In other news, Monday I meet with the clients for my next mural commission! I’m so excited to get started on another mural! Updates coming soon!

 

What are you so angry about?

I usually like to keep my posts about the art, but I recently had an epiphany and felt the need to share. I have been angry most of my adult life. Not that I ran around angry all the time, but it was always there, boiling just beneath the surface. I always blamed it on other people and their behavior. My ex, my family, people in traffic, etc, etc.

Since 2007, I’ve been on a search for inner peace. It’s been a long decade of reading tons of self help books, learning to meditate daily, creating art from my soul and self care. I’ve lost several friends along the way. Mainly because they weren’t comfortable with my changes and the fact that I was now standing up for myself. They didn’t like the “healthy” Paula.

I once had a shaman tell me that some people are like rocks in a backpack. Sometimes on the trail of life, we have to empty the rocks out of our backpack so we can lighten our load and be happy. Let’s just say my backpack was HEAVY with rocks. Not just people, but situations, memories and regrets. However, even after I dropped the rocks on the side of the trail, the anger was still there.

It’s been a long road and I finally feel like I’m moving on to the next decade of my life. The epiphany happened recently, after watching a video on facebook, of all places! Here’s the link: I highly recommend you WATCH this video!
https://www.facebook.com/comedien.voix.doublage/videos/10206832718043784/?hc_ref=OTHER&pnref=story

After I watched it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s so crazy obvious to me now! I have been angry at my 15 year old self for DECADES! I have been mad at myself for all the stupid choices I made, for not just saying NO to that 17 year old boy who got me pregnant. First of all, NO to sex, and then later, NO to marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, everything that happened in my life HAD to happen. If not, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. That said, I’ve been carrying this anger around all this time. All the resentment for how my life “could’ve” been or “should’ve” been.

It is what it is.

How can I still be angry at that young girl who was just looking for love and attention? I can’t. The fire has been extinguished. The anger is now sadness. Not a depressed sadness, but a melancholy sadness for all the anger I inflicted on my family and friends and everyone around me.

BUT, it’s OK! I finally GET IT! Now I move on to forgiveness. I have often wondered why, after forgiving literally EVERYONE who ever did me wrong, why was I STILL angry? It’s time to forgive myself. It’s time to tell that 15 year old girl that still lives within me, you’re ok, you’re loved, you’re FORGIVEN.

I will leave you with a work in progress, “The Best of Everything”.

"The Best of Everything", acrylic on 12" vinyl record, work in progress

“The Best of Everything”, acrylic on 12″ vinyl record, work in progress

Some Days I Just Push Through

New paintings on the wall and a halfway clean studio!

New paintings on the wall and a halfway clean studio!

Some days, being an artist is just plain painful. Why did I choose this occupation? What was I thinking?! Is it too late to give up and start a new career? Would I even be able to give it up? NO! I guess I’m stuck in this self imposed torture for the rest of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so very grateful that I get to do what I LOVE! Painting is my true bliss! It’s all the other crap that goes along with it that makes it painful. I won’t go into all of that because I’m trying to turn myself around here and be, just BE positive and grateful. Success just seems to keep alluding me. Maybe I’m on the verge? Maybe tomorrow I will sell 20 paintings and all will be ok, right? Life is a journey and I can’t deny, I got on this train, no one forced me at gunpoint! No one to blame but myself. Days like today, I daydream of some mindless job I could do daily to pay the bills, then I remember the last “job” I had. That didn’t work out very well. Oh well. Meditate, pray, paint, wash, rinse and repeat! What else can I do? This is my life. I have some good art shows coming up! I have a new website! Things are looking up, right? Today, I have an interview with a fellow artist for a blog post she is going to write about me. I NEED to get back into a positive frame of mind. Nothing worse than being that pessimistic older artist telling the younger artist how wonderful it’s all been. She knows better than that, but still.

"Find Your Shine", 24 x 30" oil on canvas, $1,050

“Find Your Shine”, 24 x 30″ oil on canvas, $1,050

Alrighty then! Enough wallowing in self pity! Today I’m pushing through to get my paintings ready for the NMCCG show that hangs at the beginning of June. Hanging wires to be added, signatures on those paintings I forgot to sign, small details. Along with that, finishing painting an artist studio that just rented and will be moved in to on Saturday. Getting my studio ready for a Mandala painting class also on Saturday.

"Healing Bloom", 20 x 20" oil on canvas, $600

“Healing Bloom”, 20 x 20″ oil on canvas, $600

I guess writing all this stuff out helps! I feel better already. I guess I’d better get back to work. Hope you all are having a great day. Oh and the paintings in this blog are the last 3 I finished for the show that I teased about in my last post! I decided to go ahead and share them, just in case someone has their name on one of them! 😉 (Always gotta work it ya know?!)

"Sunshine", 20 x 20" oil on canvas, $600

“Sunshine”, 20 x 20″ oil on canvas, $600

A little Tease!

A little corner of "Sunshine", 20 x 20" oil on canvas with painted sides.

A little corner of “Sunshine”, 20 x 20″ oil on canvas with painted sides.

Yesterday was the deadline to get all of my information in for the show starting in June at the New Mexico Cancer Center Gallery. I ALMOST made it! lol! I did get everything in, except for photos of 3 paintings I still needed to finish up.

A sneak peak at "Find Your Shine", 24 x 30" oil on canvas

A sneak peak at “Find Your Shine”, 24 x 30″ oil on canvas

Two of the 3 were finished today, tomorrow I will get the last one completed. I’m going to give you just a little tease of the new images today, once I get the full photos taken I will share, or maybe I will wait until the show opens. We shall see! 😉 See? A little tease!

My eldest son, Bryan, with my grandson, Ben

My eldest son, Bryan, with my grandson, Ben

I enjoyed my Mother’s day this past Sunday! I had my grandson for most of the day and my eldest son came by for a good visit in the afternoon. My mom, stepdad, two other sons and daughter-in-law came over for dinner later. It was a wonderful day! My grandson is almost 4 months old now and he’s currently teething. Poor little guy! Even so, he was quite happy and laughed and smiled with us all day!

 

How the Creative person stays sane!

 

"High Vibrations", 12 x 12" oil on canvas, SOLD!

My latest finished painting, “High Vibrations”, 12 x 12″ oil on canvas, SOLD!

Once again I have fallen off my blogging schedule! UGH! So much going on right now. I guess I thrive on the chaos. Life is more exciting with more going on, right?

I finished a new painting today, so figured it would be a great time to post a new blog. I was thrilled to have this painting sold before it was finished. I love it when that happens! I posted a bit of timelapse video to my Instagram today as I was finishing it up.

I was recently invited to show in the Summer show at the New Mexico Cancer Center Gallery. I’m really pleased with this, as I have been trying to get into the gallery for at least 7 years! The NMCCG is the largest gallery in the state of New Mexico. I will have at least 20 pieces in the show with room for more. Needless to say, I have a LOT of painting to do. I am also showing at the local Sierra Club offices in August. The two shows overlap, so I have to have at least 30 paintings available by then.

Side view of latest painting

Side view of my latest painting. Going back to wrapping the painting around the edge. Doesn’t need framing or it can be put into a floating frame to you can still see the sides.

I am currently working on a NEW website which is taking more time than I had hoped, but it’s going to be awesome! Once it’s done, my Etsy shop will close because I will have the ability to sell directly from my site. I have been searching for a solution for my website for literally, YEARS! I finally found it in Art Storefronts. They have everything I ever wanted in a website. Stay tuned for my new and improved site, hopefully launching by the end of March.

Along with the new website, I’ve been busy working on ChromaFEST, an art and music festival fundraiser for my other business, Chroma Studios. We are raising money to help us buy a building for our studios. We currently lease space and need more, so purchasing our own commercial building just makes sense. We have been in business for almost 9 years, it’s time for expansion.

I’ve also been spending as much time as possible with my almost 2 month old grandson. It’s so much fun being a grandma!

A Couple of Completed Paintings!

"A Spark and a Flame", 12 x 12" oil on canvas, Available for $215

“A Spark and a Flame”, 12 x 12″ oil on canvas, Available for $215

I spent a lot of time last week stressing over stuff that’s completely out of my control. I’ve been working for years on NOT worrying about the things I can’t control. Still, it’s not easy when the thing I’m stressing about is my kids. Now that they are adults it can be so hard to keep my big fat nose out of their problems. I just want to step in and make things better for them. Like when they were little and I could give a kiss or a hug to make things ok. I work really hard at not giving unsolicited advice. NOT an easy task for a mom. Part of the problem is I FEEL their pain. Literally. I will wake up feeling awful and not knowing what the problem is and invariably I will get a phone call sometime during the day from one of my sons venting his frustrations or pain. I guess there will always be a connection. I must say, I’m pretty proud of my boys for being awesome men. They may have been mama’s boys, but they are doing great as men on their own.

Anyway, had to do a little venting of my own. Being an artist is difficult, but being an artist AND a mom? No words can describe. I imagine it’s the same for all working moms.

"Floating", 12 x 12" oil on canvas, Available for $215

“Floating”, 12 x 12″ oil on canvas, Available for $215

It’s funny, I have some weeks where I get lots of work done, and then there are weeks where it doesn’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything. Even during those weeks, I can usually get a little painting time in. This week is already starting out well. I’ve finished up two paintings I’ve been working on. I started them quite some time ago, so it feels good to be done!

I’ve been working on building a better portfolio of my art, working to get 20 GOOD pieces that I can use to submit my work to galleries and other showing opportunities. I easily have 50 original paintings available right now, but they aren’t cohesive as a group. Getting there…

Random Thoughts

I’ve decided to start sharing entries from my morning journal. Here’s the first.

Stuck.

What do I really want?

Feeling blah today. No painting ideas just yet.

What is my true, real purpose? Is it really to make art? I don’t know. I need to get my self back or do I? perhaps I need to just “BE” right now. Not sure. Of course I love painting and being an artist. Kinda not into the selling etc. anymore. Tired.

Maybe I’m just avoiding my obvious next step. To take it to the next level.

Afraid of rejection as always.

Feel the fear and do it ANYWAY! Right? Should be, perhaps, but I don’t know.

We had a stray puppy distraction for a day. She showed up on our back step yesterday morning and as soon as we decided to keep her, she disappeared just as quickly as she had appeared. Mini is what we called her. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

Why am I down today? PMS?

Maybe I’m just losing my mind.

Missing dad.

Overcast skies contribute to my gray mood.

Disappointed in myself for not following things through. For encouraging others, but not myself.

Do I dare publish my thoughts for all to see? Then I would have to be honest with myself. Don’t think I’m ready for that yet. Good reason to go ahead with it.

Still growing on the inside.

Envy creeps in though I fight in back. What an ugly thing, envy…

Love, hope, happiness? From where do these 3 come? self? other? God?

Alone with myself…..I longed for this, waited, wished and dreamed.

I know where I’ve been, had a vision of where I was going, but it’s not as clear now after time has come and gone.

Is it possible for a rebel, risk taker, one who always went after the dream…….to have a midlife crisis? I didn’t think so, but maybe…..

No, it’s just a gray day.

The sun WILL come out again.