In a manner of speaking anyway. I really wanted to make that huge, cool commercial space work for my studio. So much so that I let it become an obsession past the point of it making any sense. Yesterday was my realization day. A building filled with smoke hit me like the sign from the Universe I believe it was meant to be. Not that a clogged stove pipe is such a tragedy, it can be cleaned. It was the meltdown that followed that made me realize I was fighting a useless uphill battle that I didn’t want to fight anymore. I have a beautiful home in the Mimbres Valley with gorgeous views and plenty of room to make and store art.
I’m giving up the dream studio!
At the point where I completely lost it, my sweet husband showed up for his lunch break. He calmed me down and suggested I make a pros/cons list to help make my decision easier. I have never been good at making decisions. I’m super wishy washy when it comes to having to chose one thing over the other. Thank goodness for my sweetie who always makes sense of my chaos.
I decided first, to go home to make my list. I needed to be in a place where I could breathe. A smoky room doesn’t really fulfill that need! After making the list it was very obvious what my decision should be. Funny thing is, it was the opposite choice from what I THOUGHT I wanted, but as soon as I saw it on the page? It was like a two ton weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I finally felt some relief from the anxiety and depression I’ve been feeling for over a month now.
I have a habit of putting undue pressure on myself. I’ve always held myself to this ridiculous standard that no one could ever achieve. I’m done. Time to love myself and let myself go with the flow for a change!
As long as I can remember, I’ve had a camera for taking photos. I got my first camera when I was 8 years old. My mom graduated from college that year and she received a 35mm camera for a graduation gift. I inherited her old 110 camera. Obviously, this was back in the film only days. I took photos of my life, friends, animals, scenery.
“Sunrise in Mimbres”, one of my favorites!
My maternal grampy was also a photographer. He was mainly a portrait photographer, his photos were of family, but he sometimes took photos for friend’s life events as well. I always loved his portraits, in fact, I painted a portrait of myself as a 2 year old using one of his photos for reference.
“Grampy’s Girl”, watercolor on paper, not a great photo, it was taken with my very first digital camera which was less than 1mp and cost over $500 at the time! (Around 2000)
In my first year of college at NMSU, I took a photography class so I could learn how to develop my own film. I had already spent time in my grampy’s dark room, but I was too young at the time to learn from him. My most vivid memory of his darkroom was the day I made the mistake of running out into his print shop and ran right into a paper cutter with my forehead. I had to be taken to the ER for a few stitches that day. I was 6.
“Desert Textures” poster, 11×19″ on paper
Back to that first year of college, I had originally signed up to be an art major, but after a boring Art 101 class and a very cool photography class, I switched to Photojournalism. About midway through that year, I decided to join the Army and my goal was to become an Army photographer. Unfortunately, that job was rare and I would have had to wait years to get it. Being the impatient person I am, I ended up giving up on that goal.
“Sunrise in Mimbres II”, the sky is so gorgeous where we live!
While I was away at Basic Training, my husband (now ex!) decided to sell my 35mm camera given to me by my mom. He had a drug problem, he also sold my car! Needless to say, it was a while before I had a camera again. I honestly don’t remember when I finally bought my next camera, but I know it was years. I remember using those cheap disposable cameras at the time. I was heartbroken over the loss of my fancy camera, and went back to my art. A pencil and piece of paper were much cheaper.
“Reflection”
Fast forward to now, and I still don’t have a good 35mm camera. I use my ipad to take photos, for now! My sweetie has promised to buy me a new digital camera soon. Even so, the ipad takes really good photos. I love all the functionality of it. “Live” photos, video, looping, etc.
“Golden Moss”, my latest addition to the Textures series.
I have recently had several people ask me about purchasing my photos. I sold my photography in my etsy shop years ago, but haven’t really thought about it again until someone asked. It doesn’t hurt that I live in this gorgeous place where it’s super easy to get a GREAT shot! Needless to say, I will start selling my photography again this year.
“Garden Gate” my favorite part of the garden to photograph, it’s like the entry into the Secret Garden!
The plan is to release a photography portfolio of 10-20 images to start. It will be a part of my Spring 2019 Portfolio. Most will be landscape and skyscape photos, but I will most likely include my “Texture” series of abstract detail photos I released several years ago. There are two posters of images, one of “Desert Textures” and the other of “SW Forest Textures”. If you have followed me for years, you may remember them! I can envision doing more “Texture” photos in the future, they were so much fun!
“Stone and Sky” landscape in the Gila Wilderness
Some people have commented on my photos that they would make great paintings, and though this may be true, I see my paintings and photographs as totally unrelated. I see photography as an art in itself. I used to paint landscapes and it frustrated me. Mainly because it’s impossible to improve on nature, so why try? Not that I don’t completely appreciate a gorgeous landscape painting, but it’s not for me.
This is just a small sampling of photos I intend to make available for purchase. Stay tuned for more, coming soon! You can subscribe to my blog above, or go to http://www.paulamanninglewis.com and sign up for my email list to make sure you get my updates!
I’ve been back to work in my studio for a couple of weeks now. I use the word “work” loosely here. I’ve been depressed. To the point of not being able to get myself moving. I’ve been practicing self care and trying not to beat myself up too much. I’m my own worst critic. I guess we all are. I’m really hard on myself, I always have been.
Me! In my studio. I figured it was time for a new profile photo and figured I’d say “HI” in person! lol.
I took time off for the Holidays, like I always do. I’ve always been excited to get back to work in the studio after a good break, not so much this year. I was working on a large painting before I took time off and I’ve had a really hard time getting back into it. I LOVE this painting, I cannot wait to see it finished, but there is this nagging anxiety that I can’t finish it because I might mess it up. I will eventually get back to it, but until then….
This is the older painting I’ve destroyed, “Dance for Joy”. I was never really happy with how it turned out.
This Monday, I decided it was time to take a break from beating myself up over this latest painting. Time to play with paint and work over an old failed painting. I really LOVE doing this! It’s so fun to destroy an old painting while at the same time, creating a new one! It is a great way to get the rust out too. I finished one Tuesday morning and started another in the afternoon.
My second “paint over” in progress, still working on this one.
I’ve discovered I don’t use enough blue in my paintings. Apparently, blue is a favorite color for lots of people. Not one of my favorites, but I guess I could give it equal time! If not equal, at least give it a chance every once in a while.
“Leaps and Bounds” This is the first “paint over” I did this week. Another rushed painting that I was never truly happy with. Looking at it now, it’s quite obvious it was never finished
My personal favorite colors, for painting with anyway, are red, yellow and purple and I throw green in every once in a awhile. The best part of this exercise of playing with paint? It’s pulled me out of my depression! It’s true what they say, art saves lives. It’s saved mine more times than I can count.
Here it is! The finished paint over of “Leaps and Bounds”, 12×12″ oil on canvas. I love how the old painting still shows through, but the composition and feeling of the piece has completely changed! Available for $225, contact me for more info, it’s not on the website.
I’m so happy to be back in the studio! I had a lovely Holiday break, time with family, lots of snow and thankfully, some serious peace and quiet. I’m rested and ready to get back to work.
Aaron and I enjoying the snow in front of our house!
I haven’t had the chance to paint just yet, so no progress pics to share. I figured it would be a good time to share some of my photos from the snow storm that hit just AFTER Christmas.
Our house from the back side, in the snow!
It was probably a good thing it snowed two days after Christmas, or our kids wouldn’t have been able to get home to Albuquerque! We were so happy to have all three of our sons, one DIL and one grandson down to visit for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. We had a great time playing “Cards against Humanity”, Jenga and “Speak Out”, a hilarious game everyone should play at least once! I haven’t laughed that hard in years!
After the snow, when the sun finally started to peek out again!
We had planned on hiking everyday during our vacation, but the weather had other plans. We did take a couple of hikes in the snow, but once it started to melt, the hiking trails were way too muddy! While we enjoyed hanging around the house and watching movies and reading, the dogs were less than overjoyed.
Rock cairn in the yard
Once the roads cleared up, (the mountain pass highway from I-25 to our house was closed for days!) we made a trip to Las Cruces and then to Cloudcroft to visit more family. I’m happy to report my art will soon be showing at a new Bakery/Coffee shop/Gallery in downtown Cloudcroft, Eight the Cake.
Hiking near the Mimbres River in the Gila National Forest.
A couple of weeks ago it snowed here in the Gila National Forest. We had to go into town that day and while I was thinking, “we should take the long way home so we can see the snow”, Aaron was saying “do you want to take the long way home so we can check out the snow?” He’s really good at reading my mind. Not always, but sometimes we are just on the same wavelength!
I can’t resist a texture photo! Plus, I like the footprint!
Rather than coming home the regular way, we headed north on hwy 15 out of Silver City. It was so beautiful! Snow everywhere! We stopped a couple of times so I could snap pics of nature covered in the cold, white powder.
Looking back at the opening to the chasm canyon
By the time we got to the split with hwy 35 and started heading south in the Mimbres valley, the snow was gone and the sun was starting to peek out of the clouds. We decided then and there to stop at the Purgatory Chasm trail head. It’s a short trail very near Lake Roberts that we had never been on. I believe it’s a 1 mile loop. It’s one of those tourist type trails, short, level and gorgeous!
I’m also a sucker for a reflection pic! 😜
About a 1/2 mile in there is a split where the loop trail begins. We picked the left fork and shortly after we came to the chasm. The rock walls seem to pop up out of nowhere and suddenly, you are in a very narrow, tall canyon. The rocks on the canyon walls form hundreds of faces! It’s almost as if you can feel the eyes of the ancient ones staring at you and hear their whispering as you walk through.
And then there was sun…
We didn’t make it all the way around the loop trail. Somehow, we lost the trail and ended up looking down at the canyon. It was getting close to sundown, so we decided to play it safe and turned around to go back the way we came in.
The sun/shadows make the rocks POP! Can you see the faces?
That was about the time the sun came out and made the rocks really POP! So, even though it LOOKS like these photos were taken on three different days, it was all on the same day. You know what they say about New Mexico weather? Wait 5 minutes, it will change! Just for fun, I’m throwing in a photo I took at Emory Pass after the most recent snow on the mountain. I love the heart in the clouds!
This is the heart in the clouds, taken from the look out at Emory pass.
It feels great to be back at the easel! This new large canvas I’m working on is exciting too! I can see it finished in my mind and it’s going to be awesome. A friend commented on a progress pic on instagram, “The eye”. I hadn’t noticed it before, but when the painting is turned sideways, there is totally an eye in there. Follow the link above to see some of my recent Instagram posts. I posted a couple of time lapse videos this morning while working on this painting. Follow me on Instagram to see all of my WIP posts!
Current work in progress, 36×36″ oil on canvas
The discovery of the hidden eye is so perfect! My spirals have always been about looking within, I guess the subliminal message is there too. I’ve always felt like my paintings came from some other place, like I am just the conduit or channel for the Universe. It makes sense that my paintings of the galaxies in space would have even more hidden meaning than what I am aware of. As the years go by, I find more hidden meaning in my work. It’s not intentional on my part, but perhaps it’s a message from the Universe?
Today I worked on the yellow section some more. I’m working from the middle out. I started to add in more blue and also put in the first layer for the bright yellow stars in the image.
Another detail
I’ve said it here before, my paintings are a meditation. They are a meditation for me as I paint, but they are also meant to be a meditation for anyone viewing the finished painting. My intention is for you to go within yourself as you gaze at the painting. Think of it as a focal point for your meditation.
In this new Space series, I can feel my spirit soaring into the sky, like I’m viewing the galaxies and stars from the vantage point of the Hubble telescope. I recently saw an article about the Hubble telescope. Did you know it’s been 28 years since the Hubble was launched?! I remember it well, but it sure doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. Are you as fascinated by the Hubble images as I am?
Hard to tell in this photo, but this is a HUGE tree!
I love trees! Shouldn’t we all? I mean, come on, they give us oxygen to live! When I was a kid, I loved to climb up into their branches. I even swung out of a tree with a garden hose once and had to get xrayed for a possible collar-bone fracture. It turned out it was just a bad bruise. I never swung out of a tree again after that day! I have climbed up into their branches again and again though.
Twisted Alligator Juniper with Aaron in the photo for scale!
Aaron and I went for a hike in the Gila Wilderness this past Sunday. We went back to Rocky Canyon since we didn’t make it far on the trail the last time. Actually, last time, we took a split in the trail to see a cave. This time, we hiked the main Rocky Canyon trail and I must say, the name is a bit misleading! The trail only stays in the canyon for about a half mile before climbing several hundred, possibly a thousand, feet up and out of the canyon. The trail then follows the ridge top for quite some time. We ended our hike after about 2 1/2 miles, at Brannon Park.
Alligator Juniper. This side shows the twisted trunk better
While on the ridge top, we encountered a massive grove of Alligator Juniper trees. Alligator Junipers get their name from the texture of their bark. It looks like the skin of an alligator. These specific trees have always fascinated me. They are usually old and twisted. This grove was OLD. The trees were HUGE!
Not sure what type of tree this one is, but I love it!
One in particular was very twisted. It looked as if a giant had spun it from the top, the trunk had several parts to it and they were all twisted around each other. Even the branches were twisted. I wonder what causes this? My guess is the wind, but if anyone knows for sure, let me know!
Charred remains of a Ponderosa Pine. That must have been a big fire!
It was quite obvious when we left the grove of Juniper trees. It was almost like a line had been drawn and the Junipers were separated from another grove of Ponderosa Pines. Brannon Park is where the pine trees lived and the park was at a lower elevation from the ridge top where the Junipers were. We came into the park as we came down the hill.
Alligator Juniper
In Brannon Park where we stopped for our lunch break, there was a muddy stream bed that was drying out. Just enough water remained for the dogs to get a drink. As we sat eating we noticed there was a flock of Bushtits congregating around the dwindling water supply. We heard the squawk of a hawk, but never saw it. We don’t get to see much wildlife when we hike, thanks to the dogs. I guess that could be a good or bad thing!
I am so grateful to now live in southern New Mexico! It was a gorgeous, warm, sunny day! Hearing about blizzards in other parts of the country, I’ll take a sunny end of November day anytime!
