Tag Archives: family

What are you so angry about?

I usually like to keep my posts about the art, but I recently had an epiphany and felt the need to share. I have been angry most of my adult life. Not that I ran around angry all the time, but it was always there, boiling just beneath the surface. I always blamed it on other people and their behavior. My ex, my family, people in traffic, etc, etc.

Since 2007, I’ve been on a search for inner peace. It’s been a long decade of reading tons of self help books, learning to meditate daily, creating art from my soul and self care. I’ve lost several friends along the way. Mainly because they weren’t comfortable with my changes and the fact that I was now standing up for myself. They didn’t like the “healthy” Paula.

I once had a shaman tell me that some people are like rocks in a backpack. Sometimes on the trail of life, we have to empty the rocks out of our backpack so we can lighten our load and be happy. Let’s just say my backpack was HEAVY with rocks. Not just people, but situations, memories and regrets. However, even after I dropped the rocks on the side of the trail, the anger was still there.

It’s been a long road and I finally feel like I’m moving on to the next decade of my life. The epiphany happened recently, after watching a video on facebook, of all places! Here’s the link: I highly recommend you WATCH this video!
https://www.facebook.com/comedien.voix.doublage/videos/10206832718043784/?hc_ref=OTHER&pnref=story

After I watched it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s so crazy obvious to me now! I have been angry at my 15 year old self for DECADES! I have been mad at myself for all the stupid choices I made, for not just saying NO to that 17 year old boy who got me pregnant. First of all, NO to sex, and then later, NO to marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, everything that happened in my life HAD to happen. If not, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. That said, I’ve been carrying this anger around all this time. All the resentment for how my life “could’ve” been or “should’ve” been.

It is what it is.

How can I still be angry at that young girl who was just looking for love and attention? I can’t. The fire has been extinguished. The anger is now sadness. Not a depressed sadness, but a melancholy sadness for all the anger I inflicted on my family and friends and everyone around me.

BUT, it’s OK! I finally GET IT! Now I move on to forgiveness. I have often wondered why, after forgiving literally EVERYONE who ever did me wrong, why was I STILL angry? It’s time to forgive myself. It’s time to tell that 15 year old girl that still lives within me, you’re ok, you’re loved, you’re FORGIVEN.

I will leave you with a work in progress, “The Best of Everything”.

"The Best of Everything", acrylic on 12" vinyl record, work in progress

“The Best of Everything”, acrylic on 12″ vinyl record, work in progress

What to do with old Vinyl?

Wall of records, 1 of 4!

Wall of records, 1 of 4!

For the love of God, don’t ever paint on a priceless vinyl record! Check that stuff out BEFORE you paint on a record worth lots of money! I don’t have to worry about that. I ONLY paint on records that I or anyone else for that matter should NEVER listen to ever again! lol. Seriously though. I have blogged before about my dad’s record collection. I inherited it 9 years ago when my dad passed away. There were originally over 40,000 vinyl disks. In the 9 years since the first move of records to our house, we have moved said records another 7-8 times, at least. Last year, we sold a big bulk of the collection. 30,000 45 single records. We didn’t get near what I would think they were worth, but they did take the ENTIRE 45 collection. It was quite the load off, seriously, those things are NOT light! They are bulky and heavy and only have two songs per record! We never listened to them. We like albums. We are now going through the albums (about 8,000) to see what we will listen to and what we will never listen to. Everything gets at least one full listen, unless it’s REALLY bad! There is always the GONG option if either Aaron or I feel the need to stop the torture. Long story short, THOSE are the records I paint on!

vinyl record painting in progress

vinyl record painting in progress

I’m currently working on a new vinyl record painting. Actually, I’m working on a group of them for my show at the Sierra Club in August. This one is getting very close to finished. Recycled art is my favorite. It’s guilt free. It’s a dilemma I face as an artist. I am very conscious of my carbon footprint on the planet. I do what I can. I make recycled art whenever I have the chance, from my recycled vinyl paintings, to recycled guitar art and painting over old paintings. I guess I overcompensate in my life by not having a lot of other stuff. I often joke that I could easily live in a tiny house, as long as my studio is separate and LARGE.

Twenty Years ago…

Our wedding day, June 10, 1997

Our wedding day, June 10, 1997

I married the love of my life! This Saturday is our 20th anniversary. It has flown by, I still cannot believe all the life we have lived together. I am so grateful to have found my soulmate during this lifetime! June is a crazy month for us, yesterday was Aaron’s birthday (Father’s day coming up soon!), so we took it somewhat easy and spent some time with our grandson in the afternoon. He was in a happy mood, so it was a blast. It’s so much fun being a grandparent! What is it they say? If I had known it would be this much fun, I would have done this part first! lol. Aaron and Ben took a little nap together yesterday and I was able to snap my new favorite photo of the two of them.

Aaron and Benny napping

Aaron and Benny napping

I started on the mural last Friday and have had a few days to work on it so far. Of course the weather decided to be nice and HOT this week! Luckily for me, the homeowners have an Ez-up canopy they put up for shade and lots of ice cold lemonade. Sandy and Jeff have been really great during the whole process, thanks guys! This photo was taken this morning before I started painting again. The green sections have been started since I took this one. I’m filming a time lapse of the whole process, I will share it once it’s complete. I’m so excited about getting this finished up! It’s coming out even better than I had hoped. The texture of the stucco adds a cool dimension to the painting, though it does make it MUCH more difficult to paint. Lots of drip spots to touch up once I’m done. It’s been so freeing to paint this big, I think I’m hooked, murals only from now on! Just kidding of course, but I wouldn’t mind it so much. πŸ˜‰

Progress on the mural!

Progress on the mural!

Mural Sketch in Progress

The video above is the sketch for the mural I’m getting ready to start. This small 12 x 12″ painting is 1/10th the size the mural will be. It will be painted on an outside wall on the back patio. The people I’m painting it for have a very lovely garden yard and I am excited to see how my art will look among the trees and flowers. I picked Spring colors for that very reason. Then, even when it’s not Spring, they will be reminded of the yard when it’s in bloom! The idea is that the Sun mural will shine year round. I hope they like the design. πŸ™‚

Now that I’m all finished with the work for the NM Cancer Center Gallery show, I’m switching gears to start work on a mural job I’m very excited to get started! I do have another art show to get ready for, but that deadline is in July and I don’t have as many pieces to get together for it. However, I will be starting a new guitar painting for that show, very soon!

My art show in August is at the local Albuquerque Sierra Club offices. I’ve decided to make it a recycled art show, with the center piece being one of my guitar paintings. There will also be plenty of recycled vinyl record paintings too! πŸ™‚

My first Mandala painting class!

My first Mandala painting class!

This past Saturday was my very first Mandala painting class! I had 3 people attend and we had so much fun! Huge thanks to the folks who decided to spend their Saturday evening with me. Stay tuned for the next class, I will be picking a date very soon!

Mandala Painting class

Mandala Painting class

 

A little Tease!

A little corner of "Sunshine", 20 x 20" oil on canvas with painted sides.

A little corner of “Sunshine”, 20 x 20″ oil on canvas with painted sides.

Yesterday was the deadline to get all of my information in for the show starting in June at the New Mexico Cancer Center Gallery. I ALMOST made it! lol! I did get everything in, except for photos of 3 paintings I still needed to finish up.

A sneak peak at "Find Your Shine", 24 x 30" oil on canvas

A sneak peak at “Find Your Shine”, 24 x 30″ oil on canvas

Two of the 3 were finished today, tomorrow I will get the last one completed. I’m going to give you just a little tease of the new images today, once I get the full photos taken I will share, or maybe I will wait until the show opens. We shall see! πŸ˜‰ See? A little tease!

My eldest son, Bryan, with my grandson, Ben

My eldest son, Bryan, with my grandson, Ben

I enjoyed my Mother’s day this past Sunday! I had my grandson for most of the day and my eldest son came by for a good visit in the afternoon. My mom, stepdad, two other sons and daughter-in-law came over for dinner later. It was a wonderful day! My grandson is almost 4 months old now and he’s currently teething. Poor little guy! Even so, he was quite happy and laughed and smiled with us all day!

 

How the Creative person stays sane!

 

"High Vibrations", 12 x 12" oil on canvas, SOLD!

My latest finished painting, “High Vibrations”, 12 x 12″ oil on canvas, SOLD!

Once again I have fallen off my blogging schedule! UGH! So much going on right now. I guess I thrive on the chaos. Life is more exciting with more going on, right?

I finished a new painting today, so figured it would be a great time to post a new blog. I was thrilled to have this painting sold before it was finished. I love it when that happens! I posted a bit of timelapse video to my Instagram today as I was finishing it up.

I was recently invited to show in the Summer show at the New Mexico Cancer Center Gallery. I’m really pleased with this, as I have been trying to get into the gallery for at least 7 years! The NMCCG is the largest gallery in the state of New Mexico. I will have at least 20 pieces in the show with room for more. Needless to say, I have a LOT of painting to do. I am also showing at the local Sierra Club offices in August. The two shows overlap, so I have to have at least 30 paintings available by then.

Side view of latest painting

Side view of my latest painting. Going back to wrapping the painting around the edge. Doesn’t need framing or it can be put into a floating frame to you can still see the sides.

I am currently working on a NEW website which is taking more time than I had hoped, but it’s going to be awesome! Once it’s done, my Etsy shop will close because I will have the ability to sell directly from my site. I have been searching for a solution for my website for literally, YEARS! I finally found it in Art Storefronts. They have everything I ever wanted in a website. Stay tuned for my new and improved site, hopefully launching by the end of March.

Along with the new website, I’ve been busy working on ChromaFEST, an art and music festival fundraiser for my other business, Chroma Studios. We are raising money to help us buy a building for our studios. We currently lease space and need more, so purchasing our own commercial building just makes sense. We have been in business for almost 9 years, it’s time for expansion.

I’ve also been spending as much time as possible with my almost 2 month old grandson. It’s so much fun being a grandma!

A New Baby in the Family!

Baby Ben

Baby Ben ❀

Back in my studio today for the first time since Tuesday. I got the call in the afternoon. My middle son called to let me know they were going to induce my DIL soon. They had enough time to run home, pick up their bags and get back to the hospital. After MANY (about 18 total) hours, my first grandson was born at 1:22pm on Wednesday, January 18th, weighing 6 lbs 7.7 oz and measuring 19.5″.

Me with my son and grandson

Me with my son and grandson ❀

Mama, baby and daddy are all healthy and happy, if not completely exhausted! They came home from the hospital yesterday evening. It’s been all I can do to restrain myself and let them have their rest. My son and his girlfriend moved in with us in December so we could help each other out. My biggest worry has been that I don’t want to be a pain in the you know what about being grandma and in the same house!

Three of my sweetie pies! Hubby, son and grandson!

Three of my sweetie pies! Hubby, son and grandson!

I could see from their faces when they came home yesterday evening, they were so tired. I did get to hold the sweetie pie this morning, so my day has already been perfect. He is the most beautiful, peaceful, sweet little munchkin! My little Benny Bean! I’ve always known it would be awesome to be a grandma, but there is so much more to it! It’s completely indescribable. I feel like my heart could explode with all the love! I so look forward to seeing this little guy grow up. I think I must have been in shock for the first couple of days, I haven’t cried until this moment right now, loading photos of the newest member of the family. It’s such an amazing moment in my life and the lives of my family. I’m beyond grateful. ❀