Tag Archives: changes

What are you so angry about?

I usually like to keep my posts about the art, but I recently had an epiphany and felt the need to share. I have been angry most of my adult life. Not that I ran around angry all the time, but it was always there, boiling just beneath the surface. I always blamed it on other people and their behavior. My ex, my family, people in traffic, etc, etc.

Since 2007, I’ve been on a search for inner peace. It’s been a long decade of reading tons of self help books, learning to meditate daily, creating art from my soul and self care. I’ve lost several friends along the way. Mainly because they weren’t comfortable with my changes and the fact that I was now standing up for myself. They didn’t like the “healthy” Paula.

I once had a shaman tell me that some people are like rocks in a backpack. Sometimes on the trail of life, we have to empty the rocks out of our backpack so we can lighten our load and be happy. Let’s just say my backpack was HEAVY with rocks. Not just people, but situations, memories and regrets. However, even after I dropped the rocks on the side of the trail, the anger was still there.

It’s been a long road and I finally feel like I’m moving on to the next decade of my life. The epiphany happened recently, after watching a video on facebook, of all places! Here’s the link: I highly recommend you WATCH this video!
https://www.facebook.com/comedien.voix.doublage/videos/10206832718043784/?hc_ref=OTHER&pnref=story

After I watched it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s so crazy obvious to me now! I have been angry at my 15 year old self for DECADES! I have been mad at myself for all the stupid choices I made, for not just saying NO to that 17 year old boy who got me pregnant. First of all, NO to sex, and then later, NO to marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, everything that happened in my life HAD to happen. If not, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. That said, I’ve been carrying this anger around all this time. All the resentment for how my life “could’ve” been or “should’ve” been.

It is what it is.

How can I still be angry at that young girl who was just looking for love and attention? I can’t. The fire has been extinguished. The anger is now sadness. Not a depressed sadness, but a melancholy sadness for all the anger I inflicted on my family and friends and everyone around me.

BUT, it’s OK! I finally GET IT! Now I move on to forgiveness. I have often wondered why, after forgiving literally EVERYONE who ever did me wrong, why was I STILL angry? It’s time to forgive myself. It’s time to tell that 15 year old girl that still lives within me, you’re ok, you’re loved, you’re FORGIVEN.

I will leave you with a work in progress, “The Best of Everything”.

"The Best of Everything", acrylic on 12" vinyl record, work in progress

“The Best of Everything”, acrylic on 12″ vinyl record, work in progress

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A New Baby in the Family!

Baby Ben

Baby Ben ❤

Back in my studio today for the first time since Tuesday. I got the call in the afternoon. My middle son called to let me know they were going to induce my DIL soon. They had enough time to run home, pick up their bags and get back to the hospital. After MANY (about 18 total) hours, my first grandson was born at 1:22pm on Wednesday, January 18th, weighing 6 lbs 7.7 oz and measuring 19.5″.

Me with my son and grandson

Me with my son and grandson ❤

Mama, baby and daddy are all healthy and happy, if not completely exhausted! They came home from the hospital yesterday evening. It’s been all I can do to restrain myself and let them have their rest. My son and his girlfriend moved in with us in December so we could help each other out. My biggest worry has been that I don’t want to be a pain in the you know what about being grandma and in the same house!

Three of my sweetie pies! Hubby, son and grandson!

Three of my sweetie pies! Hubby, son and grandson!

I could see from their faces when they came home yesterday evening, they were so tired. I did get to hold the sweetie pie this morning, so my day has already been perfect. He is the most beautiful, peaceful, sweet little munchkin! My little Benny Bean! I’ve always known it would be awesome to be a grandma, but there is so much more to it! It’s completely indescribable. I feel like my heart could explode with all the love! I so look forward to seeing this little guy grow up. I think I must have been in shock for the first couple of days, I haven’t cried until this moment right now, loading photos of the newest member of the family. It’s such an amazing moment in my life and the lives of my family. I’m beyond grateful. ❤

Print Clearance Sale

original oil painting Balance

I’ve been mulling over a big decision for over a year now and have decided it’s time! I’m discontinuing my art prints. They take up too much time and space, plus it seems everyone is leaving me behind in the 20th century with digital prints. It makes so much sense in this age of print on demand and everyone having high quality printers hooked up to their home computers.

Unfortunately, I have quite the stock of art prints, all matted and ready to go. To clear out more space in my studio, I’m currently having a Clearance Sale! 40% off on ALL of the art prints in my Etsy shop! All you need to do, is use the coupon code, PRINTCLEARANCE40, at checkout and you will receive 40% off! This sale ends on January 25th.

Once this sale is over, I am going to list print images in digital format. The coolest thing about this format is once you purchase your image, the download is immediate once your payment is made. No more waiting for the mail to come! There are a few pluses to this format, you can print any size you want (up to a certain size, depending on image size), you can use my art files for invitations, crafts like scrap booking or any other place you can think of. You can also take them to your local print shop and have your own wall prints made, on any paper you choose or on canvas!

The only limit is these images are available for personal use only. If you want to resell these images, you must first get my written permission and pay licensing fees. The copyright still belongs to me, you are purchasing the image only.

I’m also planning to bring back some older images that haven’t been available for some time. My Peace Series for one. Stay tuned….

Meltdown #11,768

Here we go again! Being an artist can sometimes be a serious drag. Then I sit and dwell in my self pity and realize what a cry baby I’m being. I am seriously starting to think I’m having a mid life crisis of some sort, perhaps pre-menopause? I have recently been feeling very burned out as an artist. No new ideas, questioning whether I even want to be an artist anymore, low self esteem, not liking anything I paint….the list goes on. Aaron suggested something that made the light bulb go off in my mind. “Maybe you just need to change your medium”. Perhaps….

I’m not yet ready to reveal what this change may be…. still trying to figure it out myself, really. Stay tuned!