Random Thoughts

I’ve decided to start sharing entries from my morning journal. Here’s the first.

Stuck.

What do I really want?

Feeling blah today. No painting ideas just yet.

What is my true, real purpose? Is it really to make art? I don’t know. I need to get my self back or do I? perhaps I need to just “BE” right now. Not sure. Of course I love painting and being an artist. Kinda not into the selling etc. anymore. Tired.

Maybe I’m just avoiding my obvious next step. To take it to the next level.

Afraid of rejection as always.

Feel the fear and do it ANYWAY! Right? Should be, perhaps, but I don’t know.

We had a stray puppy distraction for a day. She showed up on our back step yesterday morning and as soon as we decided to keep her, she disappeared just as quickly as she had appeared. Mini is what we called her. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

Why am I down today? PMS?

Maybe I’m just losing my mind.

Missing dad.

Overcast skies contribute to my gray mood.

Disappointed in myself for not following things through. For encouraging others, but not myself.

Do I dare publish my thoughts for all to see? Then I would have to be honest with myself. Don’t think I’m ready for that yet. Good reason to go ahead with it.

Still growing on the inside.

Envy creeps in though I fight in back. What an ugly thing, envy…

Love, hope, happiness? From where do these 3 come? self? other? God?

Alone with myself…..I longed for this, waited, wished and dreamed.

I know where I’ve been, had a vision of where I was going, but it’s not as clear now after time has come and gone.

Is it possible for a rebel, risk taker, one who always went after the dream…….to have a midlife crisis? I didn’t think so, but maybe…..

No, it’s just a gray day.

The sun WILL come out again.

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