I am pretty wishy washy, I’ll admit it. I have always had a difficult time making decisions and sticking to them. Not big decisions, no problems there. I have always known, since around the age of 15, that I would be an artist. Come hell or high water, there was no deviating from that decision.
Where I get wishy washy is in the how. I usually start out each year by evaluating what worked in the past year and what didn’t. Looking over past goals, deciding which ones worked or which ones I am still working towards.
Being creative can sometimes be a curse. Seriously. I have so many ideas and projects I would like to try out. It can be difficult to stay focused and follow through. A new “better” idea will come around and then I move on without finishing what I was working on.
Or procrastination will rear it’s ugly head and I will stop my focus all together. This is not always a bad thing, because what usually happens at that point is that I give up and spend all of my time painting. It can become a bad thing when I give up completely and start working on something totally unrelated to my art.
I spent a couple of years as a substitute teacher and then went back to college for a semester thinking I would become a teacher. It wasn’t until half way through the semester that I realized I had totally derailed my art career and had no desire whatsoever to be a teacher! I usually get derailed by people telling me “you should do this or that”. Then there was the two years I spent as a gallery owner. At first I told myself it would be great to have my own gallery, a permanent place to show my work with my studio in the back and help other artists while I’m at it. Then it turned into resentment because I never had time to create my own art.
I am starting to understand why most successful artists are in their 40s and older. Because it takes that long to finally settle into being an artist and not struggling to figure out your path as an artist. I have spent the majority of this year working on sharpening my focus and figuring out exactly what I need to do and how.
This morning I have finally come to what I think (hope) will be a final decision. I am an ARTIST! Not just a capital A, but ALL CAPS! This has always been my deepest desire! Creating art! I am an ARTIST before everything else…..NOW. This is what I must focus on. My sons are all grown now, I have time to myself, no more excuses, alibis or procrastination! I am an ARTIST! 🙂 Stay tuned…………..