Solitude?!

I’m on day 6 of my self imposed solitude. I have to keep reminding myself why I’m doing this. I have never, up until now, had more than a moment to myself. I thought I needed it, I thought it was something everyone should have at some point in their lives. I think too much. I am homesick and missing my sweetie and yes, even the boys! Peace and quiet is overrated. I have talked to Aaron on the phone everyday, unfortunately, I believe that may be part of the problem. Every time I talk with him I get off the phone and just want to pack everything up and go home. I miss him so much my heart aches. For those of you who don’t know me personally or the story of my relationship with Aaron, in the 15 years we have been together, we have spent maybe 8 days apart. Make that 14, now. Not only do we live together, but we work together, we spend almost all of our time together, usually. This has been the longest 5 days of my life!

I have certain things I wanted to accomplish while here. I have a painting commission that I am almost done with. Check! I am also working on my book and had hoped to finish a rough rough draft while here. Not even close there. I know, you’re thinking, “so why are you online and writing on your blog instead of working?” Because, I am trying to convince myself that it would be ok for me to leave early. I can do this work at my home studio can’t I? I guess I’m looking for some validation. I have already decided this morning that I am going to push my departure date up from the 31st to this Friday, the 28th. 10 days should be enough.

The good thing about this trip is that I have realized how much I take for granted. I am blessed with a loving, wonderful husband who supports everything I do. I am blessed with 3 sons who always call me and ask for my help. So, why did I feel it necessary to get away from all that? I guess it was necessary for me to see all the blessings I take for granted. I have learned that lesson, now, can I go home? We shall see how this day plays out, I may just pack up and go home tomorrow!

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9 responses to “Solitude?!

  1. When I took my solo motorcycle trip into Colorado, I initially planned a 10 day trip. By the time I left, my family was worried about it so I cut it to 6 days. On the last night, I was camping near Taos and wanted to drive home and sleep in my own bed so bad, but I stayed. That was one of the best nights of the trip.

    Right before you end a solo trip (or vacation or whatever) and you can see home, the urge is strong to run as fast as you can, but that is the time the grass is the greenest, the sky the bluest, and the flowers the most beautiful. I think it is because you have become aware, and that should be the point of the solitude.

    But all that said, it is your trip and if you feel you have reached the goals you set for yourself and are ready to head home, do it!

    I will take more solo trips because I love the feeling of coming home, not because I want to leave home!

  2. Hey sweetie—what lovely things you are knowing!! But it will be so so so worth it to hang in there. It will go deep deep deep into the divine wonderful YOU. The inner you. I totally suport you in this fabulous journey you are on.

    much love and light to you sweet sister goddess!!!!!!!

  3. I’m sure they miss you just as much as you miss them! Also, if you explain your reasoning to them, perhaps you can simply arrange for some regular time during the day when you need to be left alone to get stuff done. No need to go all hermit-like if it’s not necessary!

  4. Thank you all for your wonderful comments! I truly appreciate the support! Justin, you are so wise! You are another blessing for me, I am so grateful to call you a friend!
    Elizabeth, I know you are right! I guess it’s time for a gentle meditation!
    Julie, that is why I’m here, my boys have absolutely no respect for my time, and it’s really just hard for me to say no to them. I think this time alone has taught me that it’s OK for me to take my time for myself, whether at home or far away.

  5. Whatever you decide it will be perfect. AND I so get it about being a mom and being a woman. We have a hard time saying no. WE are trained to be nice and go along with things and take the small piece…..blah blah blah………………What about the idea of putting ourselves first, that is beyond understanding or even possibility. Right?

    Can we do that even sometimes???????

    I keep thinking about the flight attendants who tell us to put on the air mask first and then………….help the person we are with.

    love you sweet friend……sister goddess…….

  6. I say… if you want to go home… go home. Lessons have been learned… time has been optimized… you got some stuff done. You can always have a short “alone time” vacation again some other time 🙂

    The beauty of this trip… is that there is no “forced” duration… and if you feel like you have accomplished what you needed to… then you have succeeded in your goal.

  7. Wow, I am feeling so much love from my friends! Thank you! 🙂

  8. I agree with all of the above….As Justin said the last extra day was so special. The homesick thing for me happens around day 5. That happened when I went to Germany to see my friend Claudia. I went for a week, but added a day because I was stranded in DC for a night on the way. Day 5 came around and I thought, I can’t do this. I have to go home, sad and deflated. I stuck to it and really enjoyed my time and was glad I stayed.
    What Elizabeth said is so true. It is so different as a woman, a mom, a wife, a business owner! We have so many daily demands, obligations to others and we try to do it all! I always say, I’m 7 on my list. And who put me there? Me. I catch myself saying yes, selfless to a fault, stressing myself out when I can just say no, but I don’t. That was actually my new year’s resolution a few years ago, learn to say no.
    If you feel you have gotten from your solitude what you hoped or intended, than it is a success. Don’t punish yourself. You reminded yourself of your blessings and love. That is a great thing. You discovered that you need to find a way to gain moments of solitude on a more regular basis. When you figure out how to do that, will you let me know how? Love always.

    • Thanks Mel, isn’t it the truth though! I think I have always been last on my list. This year my resolution is spending time on me, being selfish and only doing the things I WANT to do. I can’t worry about what other people think, whose feelings might get hurt, etc. that is THEIR problem not mine! I have given of myself all my life from the time my parents divorced and I took care of my brother and dad, to being a mom/wife, to being a gallery owner taking care of “my” artists. This year is all about ME!! Love you Mel, you have always been an awesome friend. I will try to give you a call soon! 🙂

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