It’s been almost two weeks now since my dad passed away. I can still hardly believe it is real. I feel like I’ve been floating around above my body while it keeps moving around on autopilot.
I always wondered how I would handle the death of one of my parents. I thought it would be unbearable, and while it has been very difficult, somehow I keep on living, breathing, laughing and loving. My dad was right, life goes on. The problem is it will never be the same. I don’t know how it could ever be the same. I used to talk to my dad on the phone almost everyday. We never talked long but we always ended with “I love you”. I am so thankful that nothing was ever left unsaid.
My brother is a much better writer than I am, I am much better at expressing myself visually, so I will share what he wrote for the Memorial services because he said it all so well. I will eventually paint my emotions to exorcise them, until then……….
I cannot even explain the hole in my soul created by my dad’s passing, But I know that anyone who has lost someone close to them, someone that was so instrumental in their development as a person, and a role-model for their existence, knows exactly how I feel. He was so important in my life, and I don’t know how I will ever live without him. The emptiness is so painful and I know that it will never go away, but I keep trying to believe that everything happens for a reason, and that he left our world exactly how he wanted to. I feel so lucky because I was so very close with my dad and never left a thing unsaid. I ended every conversation with “I love you,” and always knew the extent of his love for me…no question! It is still so unthinkable that he is gone and I will never have another chance to talk to him, or laugh with him, or even cry with him. But I know he is with me and I hold on tight to that thought. Dan “The Man” Manning, my father, lived for every minute, loved everyone he knew with no discrimination, and embraced life like no one I have ever known. And I promise you what he would say right now is…..life goes on…enjoy it!!