So today I’m trying to psych myself out to work on the next year in my story. 1995 was definitely the worst AND best year of my life. It was a year of major transitions. I’ve always said I feel like I went through two divorces that year. When you read the story, you’ll understand what I mean by that. I think what I may have to do is split the story of 1995 into two sections, the bad and the good. It was bad up to about September/October and good for October through December with a little overlap in the middle of it all.
Reliving my past has been difficult, but it has set me free as well. I finally feel detached from that part of my life. Once I get past 1995, the story should flow. Of course I had good and bad times since ’95, but my life was basically stable after that point. Although I was 25 years old in 1995, I see that year as the turning point from childhood to adulthood. I sometimes think I was in some sort of limbo from the ages of 16-25. I was on my own, married with children, but I had no clue what that meant for me. I was merely sleepwalking through my life and now it all seems like a very bad dream. For years after my divorce, I felt like I was in a beautiful dream that I would awake from at any moment. I had nightmares for several years reliving my old life. I would have to pinch myself regularly to make sure my waking life was real. I still feel that happiness in my life everyday, but now it’s more real to me and the nightmares are much less frequent. I still haven’t come to a point of forgiving the people who have done me wrong in the past. Actually, I shouldn’t say that, I have forgiven some of them, including myself.
So, anyway, I apologize for taking so long to get this story out. I thought when I began that it would be easy, boy was I way off!